A Whole Year Away
by A Million Mad Musings
Summary: When Merlin disappears for a whole year because of the discovery of his magic, Gwen couldn't miss the opputunity to talk with him when he passes through- but how will they react? Will they still be friends? Friendship/Angst *NO SLASH* One-shot


**Hello Everyone! This is just a one-shot drabble which I wrote a while ago and found amidst the several documents on my computer! Kinda angsty I know but oh well! I always though that if Merlin ever did reveal his magic then Gwen would be the one to least mind- she is our epic queen after all! Ive got a couple of half complete one-shots dawdling around somewhere so I might complete them, but don't worry- I haven forgotten my story 'The Rise of Emrys' which I will be posting another chapter of soon *fingers crossed!* **

**Enjoy!**

Gwen had searched the wood for hours and had finally found Merlin. He was perched on the edge of the woods, near the end of the cliff. The air was moist, and the rainy wet woods rustled drizzly as she walked up to him and sat down cross legged next to him, just like he was doing. She made no attempt to talk to him, only sat out and looked across the valley as he did, in complete silence. She knew that she would not get a word out of him until he was ready, and so she waited. Merlin had made no attempt to make clear that he was aware that she was there, only stared outward as if trying to see something on the distant horizon. For a while, they sat there in silence. Finally, Merlin spoke.

"Arthur will be angry if he finds out you're here." Gwen took her first look in a long time at the young mans face. His sharp features remained unreadable as ever, and still he did not look at her, only at the horizon. He looked older somehow. Wiser. But the twinkle that was once in his bright eyes seemed dead. Once so full of light, they now just showed sadness.

"I heard reports that you were around, I wouldn't have missed an opportunity like that." She hesitated "Arthur doesn't know. I didn't tell him. He has no idea your anywhere near Camelot, I've made sure. He thinks your far away somewhere in the north."

For the first time in what seemed like an age, Merlin looked at her. He was much thinner than before, and his jet black hair now long and shaggy. The clothes he had worn in Camelot had been covered in warmer, thicker, layers that seemed to have been repaired many times and were covered in mud born from many days in the wilderness. The way he sat and that his eyes occasionally darted here and there scanning the tree line reminded Gwen of a frightened deer, always on the lookout for a hunter coming to eat them. _A whole year away…_

"Thank you." He said finally. However, his eyes were scared and untrusting, as if he believed all of Camelot's armies were waiting in the trees around them, waiting for her signal to attack. Gwen was so confused; did he _really _believe that she no longer wanted to be his friend? Gwen admitted that she didn't know for a long time how she felt about the man since he left, but he didn't think she wanted him _killed _surely? Then Gwen remembered the search that had undertaken since his leave and concluded that yes, he probably did think exactly that.

He awkwardly looked away when their eyes met each-others, as if he didn't quite know how to react with being this close to someone.

"So…where have you been?" Gwen asked. Merlin's eyes flicked quickly to hers, but seeing her relaxed stance he seemed to decide that she really didnt have half an army hiding out nearby.

"Here and there…"

Gwen raised an eyebrow, expecting more. Merlin seemed to loosen up a little more. He relaxed his position a little.

"Mostly to the east, in the mountains, it's harder for people to find me, but I prefer it that way."

"When was the last time you talked to someone?"

He chuckled darkly. "What? Apart form myself? No-one. I was only near here because I needed to get some supplies. It was only meant to be a passing visit. I'm afraid my social skills have hit an all time low."

It was so weird, sitting here, talking to him. For a whole year she had imagined what she would say, and wondered what he would be like. Now, it seemed, she had an answer.

"How have you been?" He asked "Queen now- can't have been easy sneaking out."

"Hmm…well. Everyone back in Camelot thinks im _hunting…_" Merlin finally smiled a little and Gwen broke out in a smile aswell, happy that she had made him smile. Anyone that knew her knew that she _hated _hunting, an opinion that both her and Merlin shared and had spent many a winter night laughing about. Merlin's eyes were distant, as if remembering better times. He laughed slightly. "Yes, I never was quite good at that. I thought I would have got better living out here and all, but no. Of course, it easier now that I can use magic and all…" the conversation stopped abruptly. Merlin had seemed to have gone rigid and silent, eyes completely focused in the opposite direction of her. His pale hands clenched, tendons standing rigid.

_He's terrified of how i'm going to react… _she realized suddenly.

Of course she had found out his secret that faithful night a year ago when Arthur had come back without Merlin. He had sounded the warning bell almost immediately, readying the hunt for what Gwen had realized, only at the last second, was in fact Merlin himself. It had seemed to Gwen that something, maybe his sanity, had broken inside Arthur that night and his eyes so full of hurt, confusion, and madness that they were something she would never forget. He refused to speak to anyone, even her, of what had happened, for months on end. Only then had he been able to explain to her what had happened. Only then she had been told the truth.

"I know."

"I thought Arthur would have told you."

"Not much."

"You must hate me." Merlin murmured. His whole body faced away from her, only the back of his head she could see. His voice was so full of self loathing and misery, as if all the hope in his world had been wretchedly taken away, with nothing left but loneliness. Knees tucked up to his chest, he seemed so young and sad that she had an overpowering urge to comfort him.

"No! I don't hate you!" Gwen was surprised at her own honesty. "I didn't know what to think of you for a long time but I never, ever, hated you." Merlin still faced away from her. She stood up and kneeled down to face him, so he couldn't look away.

"Merlin, look at me." Merlin's blue eyes ever so slowly looked up to hers.

"You are my best friend. Always have been since the first moment I met you. And nothing, _nothing_, will change that. I don't care whether you…grow another head! Or start turning blue. Or even if you have magic." She spoke the last sentence softly and was telling the absolute truth. She really didn't care, even if she didn't realize that until now. Merlin was still Merlin. Just a little different.

Merlin stared at her, and slowly, just slowly, a little spark ignited in his eyes again.

"Do you really mean that?" he asked, hope reaching his voice

"Really."


End file.
